Beyond the Game: What My High School Coaches Taught Me About Love Without Saying the Word

Reflecting on my journey, I can trace it back to when I was just seven years old, feeling God's calling to be a coach. My inspiration grew as I watched Coach Potter and Coach Hansen at Eisenhower in eighth grade. These remarkable men never explicitly used the word "love" with their players, they embodied love through their actions every single day. Their dedication and support communicated far more powerful messages than any words could convey. My passion continued to grow by watching Coach Comalander at Churchill, witnessing his leadership. Later, by studying and learning from Coach Gustafson and Coach Ferrara while writing a research paper in eighth grade.

I wasn't a natural athlete. I had to work harder than most just to get on the field. I had to lift weights, put in extra hours, and fight for every minute of playing time I got. But here's what amazed me: these coaches invested just as much time and energy in me as they did in their star players. Whether they were coaching Geff Gandy or Eric Mannheimer, they poured themselves into each of us equally. 

The high school counselors had told me not to bother with college. "Get a trade instead," they insisted. But my coaches saw something different in me. They saw potential where others saw limitations. They never once said, "You can't do something." Instead, they gave me the confidence to pursue my dreams, including my aspiration to become a coach myself. 

Their impact went far beyond teaching Xs and Os on the field. They were building character, shaping young men, and demonstrating what it meant to invest in others. Without explicitly saying it, they taught us that love often looks like: 

- Showing up early and staying late 

- Pushing someone to be better than they think they can be 

- Believing in someone when they don't believe in themselves 

- Treating every player with equal dignity, regardless of their talent level 

- Making time for personal conversations off the field 

- Celebrating small victories and learning from defeats together 

These lessons shaped not just how I played the game, but how I would eventually coach for 40 years. I learned that coaching isn't just about developing better athletes—it's about developing better people. My coaches modeled what I would later strive to embody: that genuine care for your players transcends the scoreboard. 

I remember days when I struggled, when the weight room felt too heavy or the drills seemed too hard. But my coaches never lowered their standards—instead, they helped raise my capabilities. They showed me that love sometimes means pushing people beyond their comfort zones because you see potential they don't yet recognize in themselves. 

Their investment wasn't limited to practice hours or game days. They took time to know us as people, to understand our challenges, our dreams, and our fears. They created a space where we felt valued not just for what we could do on the field, but for who we were becoming as young men. 

Now, decades later, as I work with FCA and visit different schools, I try to carry forward what those coaches taught me. I see young athletes facing the same doubts and challenges I once faced. And I remember how my coaches' silent but powerful demonstration of love helped shape my life's direction. 

When I stand before student-athletes today, I think about Coach Detmer and Coach Potter and Coach Hansen. I think about how they showed me that love isn't always about what you say—it's about what you do. It's about: 

- Being consistently present 

- Maintaining high expectations while providing strong support 

- Seeing potential in every person who crosses your path 

- Investing time and energy in others' growth 

- Creating an environment where everyone feels valued 

- Building character alongside building skills 

The beautiful irony is that while my coaches never used the word "love," they taught me everything I needed to know about it. They showed me that love is an action, a commitment, a daily choice to invest in others' lives. It's about showing up, staying present, and believing in people—sometimes even more than they believe in themselves.

Today, when people ask me why I got into coaching, I tell them about these men. Not because they were perfect, but because they were present. They showed me that the greatest impact we can have often comes not from the words we say, but from the way we consistently show up for others. 

To Coach Comlander, Coach Potter, Coach Hansen, and all the others who shaped my journey: You may never have said the word "love," but you taught me its meaning through your actions. Your legacy lives on not just in my life, but in the lives of countless others who learned from your example that true love is shown through dedication, commitment, and unwavering belief in others' potential. 

And to every coach reading this: never underestimate the impact you're having on your athletes. Your actions speak louder than words ever could. You might not be saying "love," but if you're showing up, investing time, and believing in your athletes, you're teaching its meaning in the most powerful way possible.